Prior to my birthday all my Apple devices coincidentally got hacked and locked, but at least I got back into my phone without wiping it out. I probably jinxed it when I said I wanted to let 30 sink in before posting Birthday pictures 😂
On a somewhat serious note since this is just a blog post after all 😝– I took a leap of faith this year and stepped outside my comfort zone to embark on a journey of self discovery. A lesson I take from the solidarity is to create a life of gratitude and accepting where I am in life by making the most out of every day. This solemn week in Houston made for a bittersweet conclusion; sorrows and wounds are healed by the touch of compassion. I am grateful for every second of every day that I get to spend time with people I love and to live the life I love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my family and friends for never giving up on me! 30 doesn’t feel so bad after all.
Thank you for reading 💗, ter
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I start to feel accomplished and then it silently creeps up on me after several good days, weeks, or even months. Trauma triggers and I feel myself spiraling down again. Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, and a mind that wants to die. Anxiety isn’t something that goes away, but something you have to learn to control.
I am still learning to speak up more when I am sad and taking more care of myself. I have to remind myself that the bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die. I find my safe place to close my eyes to breathe and find strength to get up again tomorrow to start over. We all need to surround ourselves with people who remind us that we matter because the comeback is always stronger than the setback. Mental illness is not a choice, but recovery is. I accepted that I am depressed, but I’m not giving up.
The terrifying innate fear of figuring out self purpose soon incorporated itself into my life-long battle with anxiety – only to leave me feeling more helpless, hopeless and powerless. I distracted myself by focusing on the things I had to do and got so caught up trying to exceed expectations to improve myself – later realizing; who was I really trying to win over?
It wasn’t until I started focusing on setting my own expectations that I realized: who were important, what were my priorities, and why it mattered. If you don’t love why you’re doing things or can’t explain why it’s important to you — then it’s not worth doing is it? It starts with finding reasons for what’s important and meaningful rather than investing time with what I felt I should be doing. What mattered was the choice I made for myself – to be a great daughter, sister, auntie, significant other, or mentor at work. It all started with why. We we’re all born to live not to merely exist.
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. Have a great day <3, ter.
Buster patiently waiting and watching over Maggie. Their love is unconditional, near or far. <3<3
Maggie & Buster were proudly adopted from the Nevada SPCA in April 2009 at 3 years of age. Maggie is a sassy Bichon Frise that loves eat. Buster is a cuddly Cairn Terrier mix that loves to be held like a baby. I was told that their previous owner was abusive. I met Buster first and the SPCA said that they both are very close and inseparable. I was living more than a thousand miles away from my family and in a miraculous way, I feel like we ‘rescued’ each other. Dealing with the inevitable fight with anxiety & depression, Maggie and Buster were able to comfort me on both good & bad days (this shows loyalty, love, and patience…practices that some humans don’t even embrace)
(left: Their “mugshot” from the NSPCA.)
I was laying in bed with MaggieBear admiring pictures of everyone’s doggie friends and reading more about NDD. I couldn’t help but shed a few tears after thinking about the last moments with Buster: There I sat, 2am in the garage. “I’m sorry we have to say goodbye. Me & Maggie love you so, so much” –repeatedly. Tears fell as he stayed wrapped in my arms (and again he shows me loyalty, patience, and love). I never prepared myself to say goodbye. (below: The last picture I have of them together. I was heartbroken when I caught them patiently watching me. If only all humans have the same loyal, pure, loving hearts.)
With the power of prayer, I gained strength to agree on their separation and moved towards a positive path in life. It was far from easy but I knew it was for the best. After a few months, Magz has adjusted and is healthy…but the B(uster)-word is never said around her (scared she will go look for him).
A few of my favorite pictures:
Not a day goes by where I didn’t wish for him to be here with us, but Me & MaggieBear will both carry Buster in our hearts always & forever *Ohana*. We pray that God watches over you each and every day. I couldn’t fathom life without experiencing the joy and love I received from both. They may be ‘just dogs’ to you, but they mean the world to me. Thank you Maggie & Buster for inspiring your Mommy. I truly appreciate and love you both so much, Happy National Dog Day my darlings 💕💕 (You better believe they are smart enough to read 😛)
Cheers to all the other doggie lovers<3 -ter
Links to check out:
National Dog Day
Dallas DuckTeam6 (Dog Rescue)
So this big guy comes to my bar last night and repeatedly accused me of having his card. He stood there blocking the crowd and stared at me, “You have my card, you have my card!” while I was tending to other patrons. I repeatedly said “I don’t have it. Please check your pocket. Your wallet. Maybe you started a tab at another bar.” It felt like an ongoing western movie gun fight but with words.
He figured repeating himself over and over would magically make his card appear. I looked at him dead in the eyes for a split second, all while pouring lines of shots. “I don’t have your card. I am very careful and have a system that I use. Please check another bar. Trust me!” It was to the point that a promoter noticed my legendary awkward eyebrows (oh, you know what I’m talking about.) from afar and offered to buy him a round so that he would chill out. You would think that now he would walk to the other bars to check, but no. Like most moronic men, he was stubborn and thought he could scare little ole me. It’s a NYE party, I am not going to leave my amazing bar guest (who all had a good laugh at this situation) to go on my knees and look for it. I’m sorry, I am not one of those sloppy drunk bartenders; I always have my shit together and do my best to make money for the team and most importantly I always try to ensure that everyone has a smile on their face and is having a good time (especially it being NYE). The promoter (thanks Pax) took it in his own hands to offer to go with the gentleman to the other bar.
Low and behold! He came back, card in hand, and looked at me. A little embarrassed, but it happens all the time so I wasn’t upset and just smiled and said, “See?” In my little world of rainbows and unicorns, I expected somewhat of an apology. Oh no, he just proceeded to order a round for his friends. Cool, whatever, not everyone is as considerate. So I made the drinks. He paid the $38 and left $1 tip. Hey, $1 is a $1 right? Wrong. I have too much self respect for myself to accept anything from an arrogant human being. I grabbed the dollar and handed it back to him and said, “I refuse to accept anything from any impertinent coward. Happy New Years and use it towards a cab. *smiles real big* and screamed NEXT!!” Asshole. I could have stooped down to his level of stupidity and spray Diet Coke in his face¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But I handled it like a woman should.
A big, I mean BIG, fucking (sorry) cheers to all my industry friends for working hard this NYE 💗 Just remember that there are a lot of people who appreciate you all dearly.
Happy New Years to my family and friends 💗 thanks for a great start to 2014 😉 Now to make it through work this morning 😔😂
Have a nice day!
(Joe and Me last night)
This is just another personal blog post for myself.
I try to live my life in a very positive way and take each day diligently. I preach positivity and boast on happiness. Sometimes, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
I have some days where my mind spins in circles and I just want it to stop. I deal with depression and anxiety everyday; I still haven’t learned to conquer it. No matter how hard I try. No, my life isn’t horrible. I am overly blessed with wonderful family and friends. I have an amazing job. In everyone’s eyes: I have it all. Do I really? Maybe I need to stop using that as an excuse. Is it just as bad if I am dealing with emotional struggles versus life/physical struggles? I tend to tell myself to remember everything that I am blessed with so I be humble and content about it. Is that just making things worst because I’m not dealing with my emotional pain and just pushing it aside? It’s an on going battle that I constantly fight day in and day out. There are nights where I still cry myself to sleep which turns into mornings where I have to push myself to get out of bed and start my day. This is why I love to write. My pursuit to happiness.
Have a good day ❤