The Secret to Happiness

Prior to my birthday all my Apple devices coincidentally got hacked and locked, but at least I got back into my phone without wiping it out. I probably jinxed it when I said I wanted to let 30 sink in before posting Birthday pictures 😂

On a somewhat serious note since this is just a blog post after all 😝– I took a leap of faith this year and stepped outside my comfort zone to embark on a journey of self discovery. A lesson I take from the solidarity is to create a life of gratitude and accepting where I am in life by making the most out of every day. This solemn week in Houston made for a bittersweet conclusion; sorrows and wounds are healed by the touch of compassion. I am grateful for every second of every day that I get to spend time with people I love and to live the life I love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my family and friends for never giving up on me! 30 doesn’t feel so bad after all.

Thank you for reading 💗, ter

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Mental illness is not a choice

I start to feel accomplished and then it silently creeps up on me after several good days, weeks, or even months. Trauma triggers and I feel myself spiraling down again. Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, and a mind that wants to die. Anxiety isn’t something that goes away, but something you have to learn to control.

I am still learning to speak up more when I am sad and taking more care of myself. I have to remind myself that the bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die. I find my safe place to close my eyes to breathe and find strength to get up again tomorrow to start over. We all need to surround ourselves with people who remind us that we matter because the comeback is always stronger than the setback. Mental illness is not a choice, but recovery is. I accepted that I am depressed, but I’m not giving up.

If I ever let my head down, it will only be to admire my shoes.

I remember running around the house pretending to be a princess from teddy-land, sprinkling my glitter on all my bears so they can be happy and protect me from my big bad brother. My Dad routinely told me that I’m beautiful and my smile made him smile. He protected me from harm and focused on loving life, but at one point it wasn’t enough to combat the negativity from others. I was too fat or too skinny. My hair, outfit, makeup, was judged and depicted to every last drop. I was never enough. Emotionally, I’ve let a relationship drain me by giving him power to steal my inner peace. I’ve felt alone and broken. I didn’t smile enough, constant anxiety, and spiraled downwards. I thought I hid my emotions well, but people saw it in my eyes. My smile didn’t give Dad good spirits, instead concern. I stressed in proving myself to others that I lost myself by letting their opinions dictate my life.

The moment you decide to be yourself, your inner beauty will resonate. Instead of focusing on imperfections; focus on the bigger picture – experiencing life! I started to pick off every negative aspect that covered up who I once knew because I missed the girl who saw possibilities everywhere, that appreciated happiness when she gave to others, who never set limits and never gave up. Thanks to life awakening experiences and encouragement from a handful of people, I adjusted my sails. I replaced negative thoughts with positive ones, let go to toxic people, and restored my focus on inspiring others. Life is good and better than ever – because I have the power to make it so.

To my lovely ladies: ignore anyone who tries to define you or give limitations in your life. Nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities. You’re beautiful so practice to love yourself more, and dream big through positivity. I’m here to inspire you, one red heel at a time 💗 By the way, I want to mention that I whole heartedly enjoy responding to email messages from you all in Asia. It warms my heart to know that I can encourage and inspire someone across the world from me, and for that I thank you. You give my life a meaning 🙂

Love, Ter