I start to feel accomplished and then it silently creeps up on me after several good days, weeks, or even months. Trauma triggers and I feel myself spiraling down again. Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, and a mind that wants to die. Anxiety isn’t something that goes away, but something you have to learn to control.
I am still learning to speak up more when I am sad and taking more care of myself. I have to remind myself that the bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die. I find my safe place to close my eyes to breathe and find strength to get up again tomorrow to start over. We all need to surround ourselves with people who remind us that we matter because the comeback is always stronger than the setback. Mental illness is not a choice, but recovery is. I accepted that I am depressed, but I’m not giving up.
This is just another personal blog post for myself.
I try to live my life in a very positive way and take each day diligently. I preach positivity and boast on happiness. Sometimes, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
I have some days where my mind spins in circles and I just want it to stop. I deal with depression and anxiety everyday; I still haven’t learned to conquer it. No matter how hard I try. No, my life isn’t horrible. I am overly blessed with wonderful family and friends. I have an amazing job. In everyone’s eyes: I have it all. Do I really? Maybe I need to stop using that as an excuse. Is it just as bad if I am dealing with emotional struggles versus life/physical struggles? I tend to tell myself to remember everything that I am blessed with so I be humble and content about it. Is that just making things worst because I’m not dealing with my emotional pain and just pushing it aside? It’s an on going battle that I constantly fight day in and day out. There are nights where I still cry myself to sleep which turns into mornings where I have to push myself to get out of bed and start my day. This is why I love to write. My pursuit to happiness.
Have a good day ❤