I start to feel accomplished and then it silently creeps up on me after several good days, weeks, or even months. Trauma triggers and I feel myself spiraling down again. Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, and a mind that wants to die. Anxiety isn’t something that goes away, but something you have to learn to control.
I am still learning to speak up more when I am sad and taking more care of myself. I have to remind myself that the bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die. I find my safe place to close my eyes to breathe and find strength to get up again tomorrow to start over. We all need to surround ourselves with people who remind us that we matter because the comeback is always stronger than the setback. Mental illness is not a choice, but recovery is. I accepted that I am depressed, but I’m not giving up.